Two Bi Guys Podcast – Episode 1 Season 4

A photo of a balloon arch. Two balloons have been twisted to spell "bi" on the front, all the balloons are colored with the bi flag colors.
“Visibilidad Bisexual” by is licensed under BY CC_NC-SA

So, I was going to talk about this podcast in a post about all the podcasts I listen to, but I listened to the first episode of the new season of Two Bi Guys, with Anna Kochetkova, and now I have more to say about it than just part of a post. So, it’s its own post now. Anyway, most of the Two Bi Guys episodes are really great, and I really identify with so much of what they talk about. But Anna’s interview resonated with me so hard. I’ve never heard of her before (I’m not exactly current on the Sydney Bi scene or the Australian literary scene), but I loved the way she talked about bisexuality. On the surface, her experiences are very different than mine. She grew up in a conservative household in Russia, and then emigrated to Australia a decade ago, none of which I relate to.

But I really related to Anna’s journey to bisexuality. I can never relate to people who “always knew they were queer” because I really didn’t. I internalized the biphobic view that “oh, every college girl goes through a phase of kissing her female friends, you’ll grow out of it” and that bisexuality didn’t “really exist”. Which is partially why I rail against those tropes and am visibly and loudly bisexual now, because if I can keep even ONE young person from wasting years of their life thinking they’re just “going through a phase” and that it “doesn’t mean anything” when they make out, or date, or sleep with a variety of genders and sexes, then I’ll be happy. Life is a journey of self-discovery, but waiting so long to figure out something so fundamental to who I am is just…frustrating. (I was 25 and already married before I finally realized it. Hilariously, when I quakingly came out to my husband his reaction was “Yes? Of course? How did you not know that?” which was both validating and painful.)

I also really liked what Anna had to say about bisexuality and asexuality/aromanticism. I’ve only recently come to an understanding that I’m somewhere on the asexual spectrum, and coming to that realization made me uncomfortable because it challenged my bisexuality in my mind. I eventually began to identify primarily as queer because of it, since that’s simpler than a paragraph explaining the ins and outs of my sexuality. But I still cling to bisexuality because it’s very important to me as an identity, I’ve been identifying that way for over a decade after all. It’s the community that has welcomed me, and made me feel valid. And I want to continue to stand by that community. So listening to Anna describe the ways that she thought bisexuality intersected with asexuality, and how nonsexual queer relationships could be just as valid as sexual queer relationships, and you can still be queer without sex. And I just think that’s such an important thing to remember. Bisexuality isn’t just about who you have sex with, it’s about a fluidity of relationships that allows for a world of different experiences. It’s about love, and all the different ways to love someone, and doing that in ways that are nonstandard in society.

3 thoughts on “Two Bi Guys Podcast – Episode 1 Season 4

  1. I know a lot of guys who hid their confusion over being bi behind “being one of the fellas” and bad-mouthing anyone who wasn’t straight. Growing up feeling a certain way about boys and girls but being told by adults that it was wrong and evil and believing that instead of their feelings and more so when they got old enough to better understand those feelings. Guys being berated and shamed for wanting to do “girly” things or just hanging out with girls more than they wanted to hang out with the guys. And all of this happening before I think you were born (if you were 3 in 1972 – and I was in high school) so there’s a cycle to this that keep making coming out to oneself terribly difficult.

    Thanks again for sharing; if there will be more, I can’t wait to read it.

    1. Yea, that trope is so established it’s almost become a meme now “If they’re homophobic it must mean they’re really queer themselves”, which I think is actually a problem because a lot of people want to give really violent homophobia a pass because they assume the person is just struggling with their own internalized hatred, and I don’t think you should get a pass on these kinds of things no matter your identity: You need to take responsibility for the harms you cause, even if they’re against your own community. I do think it’s starting to get better now, people are starting to see that it’s alright to just be themselves, they don’t have to fight it quite so much. (But I wasn’t born in 1969, I was born in 1985! XD)

      Thank you for reading, I’m so glad what I had to say resonated with you!

      1. I agree. Hold yourself accountable because if you don’t, others will. Discovering that you’re bi is… unsettling. Really messes with your head in some interesting ways. You either adjust and adapt to this new thing about you or you don’t and I’ve seen guys get weird when they can’t adjust.

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