Well, it sure has been a year. I have been blogging again for a year now, and I definitely still have more to say. I’m sad that I didn’t have the energy or mental bandwidth to blog more, especially in the latter half of the year. This has been probably one of the single most stressful years in my entire life. This year was worse even than planning a wedding and planning an international move at the same time. At least those were both good and exciting things. There have been a few good things this year, but mostly it’s been one thing after another. My spiel is, since June 1st I have broken my arm, gotten Covid, come out as nonbinary, gotten diagnosed with cancer, decided to get divorced, had surgery, and started a new and more demanding job, on top of three conferences two of which I presented at. I am just. So tired.
I do have an update on the cancer, my scans were finally completed and they all came back negative, though I did have elevated cancer markers in my blood. My doctor was very squirrely about what that meant, vaguely saying that was to be expected and that we would simply check again in three months. So, for now, I am officially cancer free, and living that thyroid-free life. Unfortunately, that isn’t the end of my health issues. Aside from my existing issues from before I had cancer, I have a new and more troubling issue since the surgery. I’ve lacked energy for a long time, since my son was born, but this is on a whole new level. This is being unable to turn over in bed lack of energy. This is sleeping for 20 hours a day lack of energy. This is missing my son’s birthday party because I simply could not get out of bed, even to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. There have been other associated issues as well, but that’s the worst, most frustrating and most shameful. After all, plenty of people are tired, what’s so wrong with me that I’m unable to push through it like they are? Do I really think I’m more tired than them? People look at me and the projects I’m involved in and ask how I have so much energy, and I just laugh awkwardly because I’ve spent so many days bed-bound this semester, with no visible reason. I dunno, it’s concerning and thus far none of the doctors have had answers. Maybe it’s simply my body responding to the trauma of surgery and eventually I’ll finish recovering. It seems to be taking an awfully long time though.
As for my position as Visiting Education Librarian, that is coming to an end at the Christmas break, and it is bittersweet. I have learned a lot, and enjoyed my duties so much. Even with my health problems and issues, it’s been very rewarding and I’ve gotten a lot done. I’ve found I have a real desire to teach and instruct and provide reference. I love showing people how to find the resources they need, and I love learning along with them about their subjects. Even in a subject I’m not particularly versed in, Education, that’s been my favorite part of this semester. There have been other nice perks, like having my own office, not being tied to a particular building in order to do my job, getting to order as many diverse children’s books as I was able to find in the short time I had. It’s been fun, and I’m deeply grateful to my coworkers who have helped me along all semester. I was hoping to succeed in securing another position at UF as faculty, but so far I am unable to. So now I go back to Architecture and Fine Arts in January, which is also bittersweet. I like my job at AFA, and I like my team, and I like our students. I had hopes of finding a new home in the libraries, but it will also be kind of a relief to settle back into the familiar for a while. Having time away was very helpful in giving me inspiration for new projects and new strategies for my work in AFA, and for the first time I’ll be working there without the stress of school on top of it, so I’m looking forward to seeing what I can do in 2023.
Anyway, I hope everyone has a nice Holiday Break (and that you get a break at all), and see you in 2023! I will have many more things to rant about, I am sure!